Losing it

I try and hold things together, but there is always something.......
In my previous self I was an organized, list making, remember to do things kind of person. I had a routine and people knew they could count on me.
Now I'm not so sure.
In my previous self when I would need to remember to do something, I usually just went ahead and did the task....I could even be found guilty of putting things on a list that were already completed, just to check them off.
lame.

Now, I think of things while I'm at work, or driving the car, or sitting in church, or trying to fall asleep at night, and wish I could put the thought with the task of writing it down.
Needless to say I forget a lot of things until they are due, or past due. I lose documents that need to be turned in because I try and sign things/fill out the form when it is received and then misplace it before it is time to turn it in. AARGH. I hate that.
Makes me feel like such a dork.

Turns out in my spaciness I am even starting to lose friendships. Not in a bad way, but just in an "why don't you notice me anymore?" kind of way. Makes me feel like a schmuck because I really want to say "I'm sorry, but I don't really notice anything anymore...it's nothing personal!"

So, I'm losing it and I'm getting damn tired. I hate feeling like I am not my best self, even though I am pretty stinkin happy most hours of the day. Someday I hope to feel more together and develop some sort of a system to keep from always feeling a step behind where I should be.
Losing it sucks.
The funny thing is I can't really put my finger on what "it" is that I've lost, which makes it even harder to find.