Envy is such an evil monster.
Today I am feeling like that monster's twin sister.
I hate to be so jealous of someone!!
Especially when I really like that person on any other given day.
Green isn't even that flattering of a color on me.
God, please help me be thankful for what I already have. You bless my family way more than we need or deserve. Please help me be patient. And please, please, help me be happy for my friend even though I want to kick her in the shin. Amen.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Manic Monday
1. It took me till Wednesday to fully recover from my weekend with the teenagers. Pathetic.
2. Had no idea how upset my blog about the retreat would hurt my family members feelings regarding game playing. I could go into specifics, but the real truth is, this is about ME, not ya'all. sorry. I think eventually you will notice a change though.
3. Jane grinds her teeth and it drives me crazy.
4. Tess had her final KHRA basketball game this Saturday, getting second place in the final tournament. The girls played their hearts out and we were thrilled to see them give it their all. Tess had three points and showed some smarts playing defense (finally). Evidentely her father and the other coach had cooked up a scheme to get a team of girls together to play spring ball in a Liberty Rec league. I know Tess is pretty excited to keep playing. I am excited to see her excited.
5. The KU/MUgame on Saturday was ba-nan-as. I couldn't comprehend KU losing the game, but they sure did try to. Andy was at the game and had a once in a lifetime experience. He still hasn't come down from the high and I'm pretty sure we will be telling our grandchildren how he fist bumped Thomas Robinson before the game.
6. We had another cousin over for a play date this Saturday, and sent another cousin home, worn out and overwhelmed, to grateful parents. A good night's sleep is one of the guarantees we can provide after a day with our three girls.
7. Our family went on a biking/walking/running adventure yesterday on the walking trail by our house. Jane was riding her bike beside Andy and I walk-running when we heard her say "Oh crap, here comes a bunch of kids!" in response to another large-ish family we met on trail.
8. My Lenten bible reading is going well. Every day I get three emails sent to my phone that has a devotion, a set of scripture, and some background reading on the life of Jesus. Most mornings I get up "early" and read. Some days it is how I end my day. Still trying to figure out which I like best, mostly because I want to be focused and not be preoccupied with the distractions going on in my head/around me.
9. This weekend my mother & father in law asked Andy and I if we thought it would be okay if they started coming to our church. Initially I said that it would be fine and would not be weird. Now I think it will be weird, but I am still okay with it......and them having a church family is waaaay more important to me than the anticipated weird-ness. God is so good.
10. Andy finally got a smart phone (he really is the last person his age in the world to get one). I can't wait for it to be "just a phone" like it is for everyone else in the world. Until then, we will continue to sit in the same room/space, and not interact, while he messes with his phone.
2. Had no idea how upset my blog about the retreat would hurt my family members feelings regarding game playing. I could go into specifics, but the real truth is, this is about ME, not ya'all. sorry. I think eventually you will notice a change though.
3. Jane grinds her teeth and it drives me crazy.
4. Tess had her final KHRA basketball game this Saturday, getting second place in the final tournament. The girls played their hearts out and we were thrilled to see them give it their all. Tess had three points and showed some smarts playing defense (finally). Evidentely her father and the other coach had cooked up a scheme to get a team of girls together to play spring ball in a Liberty Rec league. I know Tess is pretty excited to keep playing. I am excited to see her excited.
5. The KU/MUgame on Saturday was ba-nan-as. I couldn't comprehend KU losing the game, but they sure did try to. Andy was at the game and had a once in a lifetime experience. He still hasn't come down from the high and I'm pretty sure we will be telling our grandchildren how he fist bumped Thomas Robinson before the game.
6. We had another cousin over for a play date this Saturday, and sent another cousin home, worn out and overwhelmed, to grateful parents. A good night's sleep is one of the guarantees we can provide after a day with our three girls.
7. Our family went on a biking/walking/running adventure yesterday on the walking trail by our house. Jane was riding her bike beside Andy and I walk-running when we heard her say "Oh crap, here comes a bunch of kids!" in response to another large-ish family we met on trail.
8. My Lenten bible reading is going well. Every day I get three emails sent to my phone that has a devotion, a set of scripture, and some background reading on the life of Jesus. Most mornings I get up "early" and read. Some days it is how I end my day. Still trying to figure out which I like best, mostly because I want to be focused and not be preoccupied with the distractions going on in my head/around me.
9. This weekend my mother & father in law asked Andy and I if we thought it would be okay if they started coming to our church. Initially I said that it would be fine and would not be weird. Now I think it will be weird, but I am still okay with it......and them having a church family is waaaay more important to me than the anticipated weird-ness. God is so good.
10. Andy finally got a smart phone (he really is the last person his age in the world to get one). I can't wait for it to be "just a phone" like it is for everyone else in the world. Until then, we will continue to sit in the same room/space, and not interact, while he messes with his phone.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Lent
If you read my blog on Monday, you know that I was struggling with finding the "right" thing to focus my 40 days of Lent on.
I thought about or was suggested the following ideas:
-give up being snarky/sarcasm---impossible
-give up shopping--would love to, but groceries need to be purchased and I have tried to limit this anyway since we are in housing limbo right now, so not a true sacrifice
-give up curse words--good idea. I would love to never say one again, EVER. However, what happens when I do? Put money in a swear jar? Sadly, I don't censor myself well and they do slip out. Not my most favorite thing to admit to. Sorry, mom.
-give up sweets--again, good idea. I am a sugar whore. However possible, or impossible, it may be to give up sweets, I still find myself coming back to the same question.
HOW DOES THIS BRING ME CLOSER TO GOD?
I really don't think God cares if I eat sweets or go shopping. (I do acknowledge that He hates that I swear and am sarcastic. I am a work in progress, people, not perfect)
What God does care about and want is a connection with me. And it has always been MY theory(not necessarily the right theory or anyone else's theory) that what I choose to focus on for the next 40 days should be beneficial to my relationship with God. It should be something that after the 40 days I feel compelled to continue because it has made me closer to God and therefore closer to being a better human.
I can guarantee with 100% accuracy that my copious amounts of sweets consumption and borderline impulsive shopping habits would resume on the 41st day.
This year is the first year I am really fretting about this. Don't really know why, but I hope it is because I am growing spiritually and making my faith a priority for the first time in my life.
For the next 40 days I am going to spend time daily reading God's word, learning about the life of Jesus before He died on the cross for me, and hopefully learn to be more like Him and less like me.....
I feel pretty confident that He does care about that.
I thought about or was suggested the following ideas:
-give up being snarky/sarcasm---impossible
-give up shopping--would love to, but groceries need to be purchased and I have tried to limit this anyway since we are in housing limbo right now, so not a true sacrifice
-give up curse words--good idea. I would love to never say one again, EVER. However, what happens when I do? Put money in a swear jar? Sadly, I don't censor myself well and they do slip out. Not my most favorite thing to admit to. Sorry, mom.
-give up sweets--again, good idea. I am a sugar whore. However possible, or impossible, it may be to give up sweets, I still find myself coming back to the same question.
HOW DOES THIS BRING ME CLOSER TO GOD?
I really don't think God cares if I eat sweets or go shopping. (I do acknowledge that He hates that I swear and am sarcastic. I am a work in progress, people, not perfect)
What God does care about and want is a connection with me. And it has always been MY theory(not necessarily the right theory or anyone else's theory) that what I choose to focus on for the next 40 days should be beneficial to my relationship with God. It should be something that after the 40 days I feel compelled to continue because it has made me closer to God and therefore closer to being a better human.
I can guarantee with 100% accuracy that my copious amounts of sweets consumption and borderline impulsive shopping habits would resume on the 41st day.
This year is the first year I am really fretting about this. Don't really know why, but I hope it is because I am growing spiritually and making my faith a priority for the first time in my life.
For the next 40 days I am going to spend time daily reading God's word, learning about the life of Jesus before He died on the cross for me, and hopefully learn to be more like Him and less like me.....
I feel pretty confident that He does care about that.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Walls
Kearney First United Methodist Youth Group---proud to be called a "leader"of these kids.
The theme of this year's Youth Retreat was "Walls." We spent time talking about the walls we all build based on our past, present, and future experiences, insecurities, emotions, etc. Everyone that attended wrote their personal "wall" on a brick in this wall. This picture below is my favorite except it breaks my heart that these beautiful young people are feeling such pain in their heart and minds.
The first night we all named our walls during worship. Really emotional experience. God was with us for sure.
Night #2 we talked about tearing down our walls and the tools God gives us to tear down the walls......The Bible, prayer, faith, grace, unconditional love, forgiveness, etc. We had the kids come up and pull out "pre-determined" parts of the wall to reveal a cross.....
This is what it looked like during worship. Penni McNellis is such a creative soul... what a God inspired person. Love her, love her work.
We met in this room for worship and games/group learning. This was during worship time. The praise band is key to the overall awesomeness of the weekend. This was easily on my Best Weekend Ever list. I feel so free with these kids to be myself, but at the same time, try and BETTER myself. My family would never believe some of the crazy arse things I did with these teenagers to be a "cool" counselor. For reals. I easily had 10+ years on all the other leaders and I hope it wasn't painfully obvious. Anyone who knows me knows that I do not like to play games. Well, this weekend, I was a game player. I acted, I danced, I sang, I cheered, I played, I taught, I learned, I cried, I listened, I laughed and I laughed and I laughed. Did I mention how lucky I was to be paired with a young man named "Werm" who made my weekend of teaching the Bible so much easier. Thankful that our youth are going to get the benefit of having him as our newly hired youth assistant. Praise God!
such a fun weekend. I am already looking forward to next year.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Manic Monday
1. Happy President's Day! Yes, I had to work, but since it was Monday, we saw no patients. The good news is that most people thought we were closed today so they didn't bother calling. The bad news is that most people thought that we were closed today so they didn't bother calling. Tri-County definately lost money today with me working.
2. Happy 89th Birthday to Grandma Elsie Turley. So thankful to have her as part of my life.
3. Royals pitchers and catchers reported to spring training today. Really ready for baseball season. We officially decided to not spend the $ on a trip to Arizona this year. Maybe the money could be used toward All Star Tickets! Yes, please!
4. I have totally fallen off the exercising band wagon. Not only did I fall off the wagon, but the wagon ran over me and left me behind. Not that this was unexpected or a surprise. This is my pattern historically, so the best thing to do is not lose faith and plan my re-start date....maybe I'll do that tomorrow. *sigh*
5. This week is the beginning of the Lent. I have always had a hard time with hearing that people give up such superficial things like pringles or pop. I really don't feel like God cares if we eat pringles or not. The purpose of Lent is to bring you closer to God by removing the things that separate you from Him and to remember the sacrifice He gave in Jesus dying on the cross. Not sure that chips and soda are an equal sacrifice or separate me from God, but I do know that my relationship does suffer because of some of my poor choices. I have one day to figure out my Lenten sacrifice. Wish me luck. Actually just pray for me. I don't need luck. I need the Lord.
6. This weekend I spent Friday evening through Sunday mid-day with the teenagers from our church on God's Mountain in Rushville Mo. This was easily in the Top 10 Best Weekends of My Life. It totally deserves its own blog post, and so it shall get one. But later on in the week. I am so very thankful to be a part of the youth ministries of our church. This weekend was high intensity, with lots of love and laughter. God is so good and I am so tired.
7. Had my first mammogram last week. Not nearly as bad as anticipated. They found a spot that they wanted to do an ultrasound of, but all came back fine and I left relieved. Evidently I don't have to come back again until I am forty, but my insurance pays for it and my peace of mind is priceless. Cancer is such a sneaky little buggar, if you have the option to be screened, I say DO IT.
8. Valentine's Day was a low key day of love. Andy and I don't celebrate our Valentine's Day until March 14th, many of you know why. We are a fairly romantic couple on a daily basis and we use to kill ourselves trying to "one up" each other for Valentine's Day. The evening typically would end with one of us frustrated(Andy) angry(both) or in tears(me). SO, we finally decided to make the Feb. holiday about family love and set aside the 14th of March as our day of love. It is waaaay easier to find a babysitter then too. We bought the kids some lovey treats and had a heart shaped pizza from Papa Johns. Lots o' Love in this house.
9. While I was away on this retreat, Tess's fourth seeded basketball team knocked off the number one seed in tournament play. This was the only game I have not attended this season. I have been asked not to come to next weeks game.
10. Who is ready for some spring time? I know, me either. I don't feel like we've gotten our fair share of winter, and I totally would like a little more snow. I just hope that if we do get snow it hurries up and happens. I will be super peeved if we get dumped on in March and April. Not cool, Mother Nature. Not cool.
2. Happy 89th Birthday to Grandma Elsie Turley. So thankful to have her as part of my life.
3. Royals pitchers and catchers reported to spring training today. Really ready for baseball season. We officially decided to not spend the $ on a trip to Arizona this year. Maybe the money could be used toward All Star Tickets! Yes, please!
4. I have totally fallen off the exercising band wagon. Not only did I fall off the wagon, but the wagon ran over me and left me behind. Not that this was unexpected or a surprise. This is my pattern historically, so the best thing to do is not lose faith and plan my re-start date....maybe I'll do that tomorrow. *sigh*
5. This week is the beginning of the Lent. I have always had a hard time with hearing that people give up such superficial things like pringles or pop. I really don't feel like God cares if we eat pringles or not. The purpose of Lent is to bring you closer to God by removing the things that separate you from Him and to remember the sacrifice He gave in Jesus dying on the cross. Not sure that chips and soda are an equal sacrifice or separate me from God, but I do know that my relationship does suffer because of some of my poor choices. I have one day to figure out my Lenten sacrifice. Wish me luck. Actually just pray for me. I don't need luck. I need the Lord.
6. This weekend I spent Friday evening through Sunday mid-day with the teenagers from our church on God's Mountain in Rushville Mo. This was easily in the Top 10 Best Weekends of My Life. It totally deserves its own blog post, and so it shall get one. But later on in the week. I am so very thankful to be a part of the youth ministries of our church. This weekend was high intensity, with lots of love and laughter. God is so good and I am so tired.
7. Had my first mammogram last week. Not nearly as bad as anticipated. They found a spot that they wanted to do an ultrasound of, but all came back fine and I left relieved. Evidently I don't have to come back again until I am forty, but my insurance pays for it and my peace of mind is priceless. Cancer is such a sneaky little buggar, if you have the option to be screened, I say DO IT.
8. Valentine's Day was a low key day of love. Andy and I don't celebrate our Valentine's Day until March 14th, many of you know why. We are a fairly romantic couple on a daily basis and we use to kill ourselves trying to "one up" each other for Valentine's Day. The evening typically would end with one of us frustrated(Andy) angry(both) or in tears(me). SO, we finally decided to make the Feb. holiday about family love and set aside the 14th of March as our day of love. It is waaaay easier to find a babysitter then too. We bought the kids some lovey treats and had a heart shaped pizza from Papa Johns. Lots o' Love in this house.
9. While I was away on this retreat, Tess's fourth seeded basketball team knocked off the number one seed in tournament play. This was the only game I have not attended this season. I have been asked not to come to next weeks game.
10. Who is ready for some spring time? I know, me either. I don't feel like we've gotten our fair share of winter, and I totally would like a little more snow. I just hope that if we do get snow it hurries up and happens. I will be super peeved if we get dumped on in March and April. Not cool, Mother Nature. Not cool.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
Manic Monday
1. Snow! Finally! Yipeee!!
2. This weekend we kept our niece Amelia overnight and had a great time.....not "I think I want to have another kid" fun, but FUN.
3. Tess had a basketball game this weekend and gave me a mind full of thoughts. She was being an aggressive player and it made parents on the other team mad. Unfortunately I happened to be sitting near them and overheard, not that they were trying to be discreet. The mama bear in me raged, the rational adult in me just sat quietly and smiled(okay, it was a smirk, because I did think they were being ridiculous). Here is the deal. Tess does play aggressive and she does have A LOT to learn. She loves the game and loves to hustle....sometimes acting before she thinks it all the way through. The good news is we can help her acquire the skills to make her a good basketball player, but we can't teach the competitive spirit she has....she was born with it and we just have to help her learn to use it in a smart way. Of course I had several snarky comments I wanted to say to these parents, but ultimately it just hurt my feelings. I had to remind myself that these people don't know my daughter or know what a compassionate, loving girl she is. She doesn't have an evil bone in her body....but she DOES happen to have several competitive ones.
4. Speaking of Tess and sports, we have had to have the "talk" about making choices regarding what sport she wants to continue to play(realistically) and what it will take to continue to the next level. Tough to do. It feels so wrong to have to "discourage" your child from playing a sport she loves, simply because she needs to start focusing (already, at age 10) on her future. Looks like softball is getting the axe, much to her dismay.
5. Our Samantha played in her first softball game of the season for Drake. They head to the southern states in a few days so hopefully it will be warm and perfect for playing ball. We pray that her hip is strong and steady for her. Can't wait to spend some weekends this spring watching softball. I feel a trip to Des Moines in our future!
6. Last weekend we had three clients committ suicide. tragic. Makes all of us at work feel small and inadequate, like we didn't do enough, even if they weren't our specific patient. I know it is part of the business, and surprisingly it is rare, but it doesn't make it any easier. Especially when they are young people. Such a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
7. Speaking of death, I am sad about Whitney and I am really irritated by all the people demonizing her for having a substance abuse problem that probably led to her death. Seriously people. I appreciate that many many people/heroes die every day and don't get the publicity that Whitney's death has gotten. Well, they didn't lead the public life, and if they were true heroes, they wouldn't have wanted the fuss anyway. Quit the bitching and enjoy some tribute music honoring a musical icon. Addiction is very real.
8. Tess is scheduled to get her braces off in three weeks. Initially I panicked thinking this was it, she was done with braces and I am NOT nearly impressed enough with the results. There have been some milestones in what the spacers and expander accomplished....however there are some teeth that have shifted to weird places and she still has several baby teeth left to lose! She gets fitted for a retainer and will wear that for an unknown amount of time before getting more braces I guess. I have already set the bait for Tess to be uber conscious of keeping track of her retainer. I explained how expensive they are to replace, and that most people lose it at least once. If Tess manages to keep track of her retainer without losing it, I will give her part of the money it would have cost us to replace it. And yes, I know that is $$$. I am hoping the incentive works. Tess loves a challenge.
9. Anyone else enjoy The Grammys last night? I love me some LL Cool J and thought him opening with a prayer was just WOW. loved that. Bruno Mars totally blew me away. Adele is just adorable. I wanted to hug Bon Iver. Paul McCartney's Valentine song was smooth and made me want to download it....I could hear Andy singing it.
10. I both love and hate big decisions. I love when change is happening and the feeling of excitement and rush of adrenaline from the unknowns. I also am a control freak and fight like crazy to avoid previously mentioned unknowns. We are right in the midst of deciding what to do about our future home plans. Sell, buy, build, BLECH. So much to think about. Sometimes I do not even feel old enough to be making these types of decisions. But then I am reminded that this is the future of my family and I need to suck it up and make some smart choices.
2. This weekend we kept our niece Amelia overnight and had a great time.....not "I think I want to have another kid" fun, but FUN.
3. Tess had a basketball game this weekend and gave me a mind full of thoughts. She was being an aggressive player and it made parents on the other team mad. Unfortunately I happened to be sitting near them and overheard, not that they were trying to be discreet. The mama bear in me raged, the rational adult in me just sat quietly and smiled(okay, it was a smirk, because I did think they were being ridiculous). Here is the deal. Tess does play aggressive and she does have A LOT to learn. She loves the game and loves to hustle....sometimes acting before she thinks it all the way through. The good news is we can help her acquire the skills to make her a good basketball player, but we can't teach the competitive spirit she has....she was born with it and we just have to help her learn to use it in a smart way. Of course I had several snarky comments I wanted to say to these parents, but ultimately it just hurt my feelings. I had to remind myself that these people don't know my daughter or know what a compassionate, loving girl she is. She doesn't have an evil bone in her body....but she DOES happen to have several competitive ones.
4. Speaking of Tess and sports, we have had to have the "talk" about making choices regarding what sport she wants to continue to play(realistically) and what it will take to continue to the next level. Tough to do. It feels so wrong to have to "discourage" your child from playing a sport she loves, simply because she needs to start focusing (already, at age 10) on her future. Looks like softball is getting the axe, much to her dismay.
5. Our Samantha played in her first softball game of the season for Drake. They head to the southern states in a few days so hopefully it will be warm and perfect for playing ball. We pray that her hip is strong and steady for her. Can't wait to spend some weekends this spring watching softball. I feel a trip to Des Moines in our future!
6. Last weekend we had three clients committ suicide. tragic. Makes all of us at work feel small and inadequate, like we didn't do enough, even if they weren't our specific patient. I know it is part of the business, and surprisingly it is rare, but it doesn't make it any easier. Especially when they are young people. Such a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
7. Speaking of death, I am sad about Whitney and I am really irritated by all the people demonizing her for having a substance abuse problem that probably led to her death. Seriously people. I appreciate that many many people/heroes die every day and don't get the publicity that Whitney's death has gotten. Well, they didn't lead the public life, and if they were true heroes, they wouldn't have wanted the fuss anyway. Quit the bitching and enjoy some tribute music honoring a musical icon. Addiction is very real.
8. Tess is scheduled to get her braces off in three weeks. Initially I panicked thinking this was it, she was done with braces and I am NOT nearly impressed enough with the results. There have been some milestones in what the spacers and expander accomplished....however there are some teeth that have shifted to weird places and she still has several baby teeth left to lose! She gets fitted for a retainer and will wear that for an unknown amount of time before getting more braces I guess. I have already set the bait for Tess to be uber conscious of keeping track of her retainer. I explained how expensive they are to replace, and that most people lose it at least once. If Tess manages to keep track of her retainer without losing it, I will give her part of the money it would have cost us to replace it. And yes, I know that is $$$. I am hoping the incentive works. Tess loves a challenge.
9. Anyone else enjoy The Grammys last night? I love me some LL Cool J and thought him opening with a prayer was just WOW. loved that. Bruno Mars totally blew me away. Adele is just adorable. I wanted to hug Bon Iver. Paul McCartney's Valentine song was smooth and made me want to download it....I could hear Andy singing it.
10. I both love and hate big decisions. I love when change is happening and the feeling of excitement and rush of adrenaline from the unknowns. I also am a control freak and fight like crazy to avoid previously mentioned unknowns. We are right in the midst of deciding what to do about our future home plans. Sell, buy, build, BLECH. So much to think about. Sometimes I do not even feel old enough to be making these types of decisions. But then I am reminded that this is the future of my family and I need to suck it up and make some smart choices.
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