I Chose JOY

Tomorrow is Monday, and for the first time in ages I am going to work. And then the next day? That is Tuesday. I will also be going to work that day. And then Wednesday, and again on Thursday, and even Friday too. For the first time since becoming a parent, I will be a full time worker mom with a full time job. yikes. It still gives me a mini panic attack when I think about it.

I wear a bracelet that says "choose joy" on it. That is a quick statement that I have been using to guide my heart, my brain, and my spirit when I feel lost. You know that feeling? When you just can't decide on a way that will bring contentment AND peace? I now choose JOY. When I can't decide if I should do something, spend some amount of money, go somewhere.......I think about what kind of JOY will it bring to me/others. And most of the time, unless it is just reckless and totally irresponsible(tee-hee) I choose JOY.

Last month I decided to step out of my comfort zone, to shake things up a bit in our life, and get a new job. A new FULL TIME job. I started on Wednesday of last week, and although all that has been required of me is to smile and wave, I L-O-V-E it. I now work for a place called Tri-County Mental Health Services, which is the community mental health provider for the Northland. The atmosphere is positive, the people are professionals, the "system" works....meaning they have their s#*t together and have the patient care thing figured out, my co-workers want to be there(they could make more money elsewhere but they choose to stay) and there is a day program that provides group activities both in the building and in the community, offers various skills training, and gives our clients something to do during the day. It is Awesome the relationships that are nurtured there.

Now for the fluffy stuff of the job. The schedule is M-F(no holidays), clinic hours are 8:30-5pm which means I no longer leave my house at the crack of dawn to fight traffic into the city, my doctor doesn't work on Mondays (which is super cause I hate working Mondays too! I just do office work and help out my co-workers who do have clinic), I have my own office (I know, I am like overJOYed about that), and we have drug reps knocking down our doors to bring us food/snacks. JOY JOY JOY.

So those are the goods of the job. The bads? Have I mentioned it is a full time gig and I have no idea if I can physically, mentally, spiritually handle it? I mean, I know I can......but will it be worth all the "stuff" I am missing out on with my girls? Am I depriving Jane of having the mommy time that the other two had? All these are thoughts that I have had and will continue to struggle with. What I do hope is that my girls will notice a little glimmer in their momma's eyes when she talks about her job and how happy she is with her career. And I guess as long as I continue to be the same over-the-top happy with my home/family life, things should truck along just fine.

Doesn't mean that I won't still feel a little frumpy when I miss some of Kate's preschool things, or miss watching my Janey continue to learn something new every day, or I can't attend things at Tess's school that happen during the day. I just have to remember that someday I will have enough personal time I can take so as not to miss out on those things that just need their momma in attendance. Until then, it will be the daddy's job to keep this family clean and fed and on schedule to activities. I think....no.....I KNOW he will be just fine. Maybe not right away, or the way I would do it, but just fine.

After all, he is the City Manager. I wouldn't have hired him in the first place if I didn't think he was qualified for the job.