We've only just begun.....

If you were hoping for a post about The Carpenters you can stop reading.

Last week Tess somberly told me that she had a friendship problem at school and didn't know what to do. Long looong story short......Tess had her first "mean girl" experience.
Remember the Mean Girls? The girls that would lure you into friendship by making you feel included, then exclude you for no particular reason. It was emotionally exhilarating and exhausting.....
I just don't remember it happening in the third grade.
After we talked about the pros and cons of maintaining this circle of friends, Tess realized she has let other friendships go because of the tunnel vision.... She was so focused on trying to fit in, she had lost her spirit....the beautiful thing that makes Tess the crazy cool kid she is.
When I put it to her like that she started to cry. She knew she wasn't happy with how she felt, she just hadn't been able to figure out why.
it was an Ah-ha moment for sure.
We talked about what makes her special and why. We talked about the importance of not being exclusive friendship-wise. We talked about all the ways she can re-connect with friends that she had lost touch with......even though she sees them every day.
When Tess still didn't seem to be convinced I pulled out the "go to" speech I give her when I am trying to make a point.....
"You are my daughter! You are Tess Martens! I have raised you to be a confident, compassionate, intelligent, loving Christian girl........Have you lost your mind?.....I raised you better than this!.... Now let me hear you say it!"
"I am Tess Martens"
Louder
"I am Tess Martens"
LOUDER.....and act like you mean it....
"I AM TESS MARTENS"
that's what I thought you said.

The next school day we were riding in the car and I casually asked how her day had gone. She told me she had talked with the friend that hurt her feelings, told her that her feelings had been hurt and they were "cool" again. She also told me that when it came time to partner for two activities in class, she asked two people she usually didn't partner with, and had a "fabulous time mom, it worked out great." I asked her how she felt now.
"I feel like Tess Martens again" she says.
*sigh*

***Disclaimer****
the use of the words "Mean Girls" was not meant to imply that the friends involved are evil or bad kids.....their actions were mean.